Todayâs article is a tribute to the movie Tommy, the WHO cult classic 1975 movie based on The Whoâs 1969 rock opera album of the same name. It was a critical and commercial smash. The film score even earned Townshend an Oscar nomination (and he didnât even have to smash any guitars to get it either⊠or did he?) Weâre going to be snarky and spoil every bit of it for you because thatâs how we show love and affection. Donât blame us â blame our mothers. We have insecure attachment problems.
The who, who?
The Rolling Stones. Led Zeppelin. The Detours. What? You know, The High Numbers. The who?
Yes, exactly.
For all of you out there who arenât full to the brim with geeky facts about rock bands from the â60s, The Who used to call themselves âThe Detoursâ and then changed it to âThe High Numbersâ. Eventually they settled on a self-deprecating name that was probably born out of crushed dreams and their motherâs expired Maybelline (that rhymed and thatâs the only reason we included it. Donât worry. Itâs not the worst joke youâll read in the article â be warned.)
But in all honesty, The Who were really desperate for fame at that point. They needed publicity. It was then that guitar Pete Townshend had a stroke of genius â or a moment of insanity, who knows? â and decided to smash his guitar up on stage. Turns out busting an instrument was all they needed. They paved the way for every hard-core rocker we know today â you know, the ones who spit at the audience and do charming, sweet things like that â and then went on to build a legacy based on their actual musical chutzpah.
Looking for fame
They released a sleuth of âpower popâ singles that catapulted them into fame in the sixties, but smashing instruments had become their signature and they sure didnât disappoint. In fact, they levelled up: in 1967, Keith Moonâs drum set actually exploded on the live TV show âThe Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour.â I mean, if you could get paid for smashing stuff, wouldnât you do it too?
But please donât try that at home, kids. If you want to play like Townshend, take some of our guitar lessons first. Once youâve become a professional, then you can destroy stuff. Remember: only smash for cash (Weâre talking about guitars only. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
Tommy – The WHO cult movie classic prologue

Is this the opening to the Lion King?
No, itâs just some dude on a mountain. Bummer, we were just about to get our #broadway on.
The prologue is an orgy of synths, and the story begins with a man and a woman picnicking on a hilltop, kissing under a waterfall, and generally having lots of PG-13 honeymoon scenes. Suddenly, the phone rings while theyâre dancing and someone tells Romeo that the honeymoon is over and he needs to join the war effort. (What a cockblock).
Dreamy synths are still the only sounds we can hear. They continue to play even as the couple clamber over the rubble of bombed houses (that didnât take long – German efficiency at its finest) while showgirls in gas masks go running for cover. Right now itâs the only part of the movie that isnât clichĂ©. However, tomorrow someone will show up to the Met Ball like that and then we wonât be as impressed.
The call of duty
Our soulja boy boards a train. The ones that go choo-choo, not the boring metal phalluses we drag ourselves into today. He and his blonde lady hug goodbye. Imagine kissing someone for passing you a napkin during your honeymoon and then downgrading to a hug when you might never see them again. Itâs clear what that relationship was all about.
We discover that heâs a fighter pilot. Strangely enough, Juliet is somehow able to watch the whole airborne drama unfold from her bedroom window. Although we tried to see if Shazam could recognise the background music, all it gave us was âManicomiâ by Davide Van De Sfroos. Never heard that song in our lives, and itâs definitely not what was playing. However, we recommend playing it whenever something tragic happens in your life. Itâll cheer you right up.
Out of curiosity, we tried Shazam again and got âOrgan Sonata In F Sharp Minor: III Toccataâ by Susanne Rohn. We may have just broken Shazam. Ooops.
Anyway, Juliet goes to sleep that night in a bed thatâs a cage (turns out soulja boy was kinky). Long story short, her house gets bombed, it looks like he died in a plane crash, and she is now working in a factory making steel balls (and no, thatâs not a euphemism.)
What sounds like a mix of rock and medieval music begins to play and itâs a mashup of âCaptain Walkerâ and âItâs a Boyâ. Weâre so happy to finally hear a proper song.
Captain Walker didn’t come home
His unborn child will never know him
The unborn child in question (Tommy? You guessed it! Ainât you a clever little bugger) is born on D-Day. He grows up in a few seconds, and we see him going to a memorial service with his mother to lay poppy-decorated crosses down in memory of her late husband/his father. Remember those crosses â theyâll star in some pretty weird stuff later.
Bernieâs Holiday Camp
This whole segment is creepy. Tommy and his mother go to the Bernieâs Holiday Camp which is owned by a sleazy oily man named Frank. He holds a âLovely Legsâ competitions on the camp, and Tommyâs mother takes part in it. He congratulates her for winning. Or, more specifically, he kisses her thighs and then takes her out dancing (isnât this 1950? Shouldnât it be dancing first and thigh kissing later?).
Meanwhile, Tommy looks on like this:

We feel you, son. We feel you so hard.
The segment ends with these last few lyrics of âBernieâs Holiday Camp,â and you just know something morbid is about to happen.
I’ll make him smile
I’ll take him out to cinemas and fairs
Football and cricket
There’ll never be a happier lad
I’ll be more than an Uncle
I’ll be just like a Dad
They leave the camp together, and Tommy seems excited. The poor sods who were running in place at the entrance of the camp at the start of the scene are still there. And theyâre still fat.
1951 / What About the Boy
This scene begins with the small trio moving into a house. Tommyâs bedroom is plastered in aeroplane-patterned wallpaper, thereâs a model aeroplane above his bed, and a photo of his dad beside it. His dad appears then in the doorway, his face all burnt and scarred, and we think the boy is dreaming. But then Harvey Dent â sorry, Captain Walker – enters his wifeâs bedroom. Unfortunately, Nora and Frank (note: their names are never mentioned, we found out through Google) are having sex.
Frank hits him over the head, and he dies. So he must be real, because dreams canât die⊠unless theyâre our dreams for the future.
âWhat about the boy?â sings Nora. âHe saw it all!â
At this point, itâs not clear if sheâs talking about him seeing her having sex or him seeing Frank kill his dad. Either way, itâs not good.
Anyway, like any good parent, the first thing she does is gaslight him. âYou didnât hear it, you didnât see it!â she and Frank scream-sing at him. âYou won’t say nothin’ to no one, ever in your life!â
Poor little Tommy takes these words a little too literally. He becomes deaf, blind, and dumb. Talk about an obedient child. Where can we get us some of those?
Amazing Journey
Frank and Nora are at a theme park having the time of their life, but Tommy canât stop thinking about his father. Frank, ever the sensible soul, takes Tommy to an arcade game where he begins shooting down planes with an unhealthy dose of excitement.
Meanwhile, Tommy looks on like this:

Do we call the police now or after we finish our chili cheese dogs?
We didnât even try to understand what happens next so here are some bizarre images from the âAmazing Journeyâ montage, starting with this meme-worthy one:


No, itâs not a Star-Trek-themed arcade game. We are still about Tommy, the WHO cult classic movie tribute, remember? Well, whatever this is, it begins when Tommyâs father appears holding a glowing white orb. The orb collides into a series of blue paper planes which then turn into remembrance crosses. At the centre of it all is Tommyâs dad, stretched out like Jesus on a blue cross. The white ball hits him and he transforms into a holographic cross.
Itâll make sense later, donât worry. Just remember the white ball.
The ball at the top of the cross then splits open to reveal Tommyâs face and we are officially creeped out.

Really really creeped out.
The scene ends with him dancing weirdly in a hall of mirrors. His mother is crying. But then again, thatâs not out of character â all Nora has done throughout this movie so far is cry and kiss men.
Tommy Can You Hear Me? (aka Tommy cult movie song)
The first time you hear Tommy sing sounds like something youâll hear on the telephone right before you die. âSee me, feel me, touch me⊠youâll be dead in seven days.â
Itâs Tommyâs inner voice, and maybe itâs not as eerie as we made it sound. Maybe our brains are just a bit disturbed by the last scene.
This whole scene is a mashup of the song âChristmasâ and âTommy Can You Hear Me?â where his parents wonder how they can save him from the eternal grave, because â being deaf, blind, and dumb â he canât exactly sing hymns and read the Bible.
In the meantime, Tommy does this:

At this point, he may just be our spirit animal.
Eyesight to the Blind (aka Tommy the WHO cult movie classic scene)

The most famous scene in this movie is âPinball Wizardâ (itâs on its way), but in our opinion, this scene is the masterpiece of the movie.
It begins with Tommy staring into the camera. Heâs all grown up now, and he looks like a real-life version of Tarzan⊠which is another way of saying he looks fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Heâs played, of course, by Roger Daltrey himself. Heâs got his signature blue eyes and strong jaw and gorgeous brown curlsâŠ
Ahem. Moving on.
If you need a reason to watch this scene, here is a list:
- Itâs a church dedicated to the worship of Marilyn Monroe.
Do you need another reason? Do you need another reason?
(In case you do: the preacher is Eric freaking Clapton.)
A procession of men and women in wheelchairs pass by the gigantic statue of Marilyn, touching her thighs and hoping to be healed. When itâs Tommyâs turn, Nora forces him to touch Marilynâs leg, but he stumbles and crashes into it. The whole thing falls over and smashes into pieces.
Frank decides to try a different approach.
Acid Queen
Frank is at a strip bar looking creepier than ever, and Tommy is at a table drinking coffee and staring off into the distance. Frank decides to hook him up with Gypsy, âthe Acid Queenâ â and itâs Tina Turner herself, just so you know.
She takes him upstairs (because, you know, sheâs a private dancer) and proceeds to attack the bastard. The boy is in staring at the ceiling in terror, but it doesnât seem to faze her. After all, whatâs love consent got to do with it? She scream-sings at him âIâm guaranteed to tear your soul apart!â and we honestly donât need another hero. We just need the cops.
You think something NC-17 is about to happen, but instead, two assistants pop up out of nowhere and reveal this:

Is it a sex toy for vampires? A BDSM-friendly iron maiden? We never find out â she just forces him to step inside. And yes, this is still Tommy the Who cult movie classic tribute.
It proceeds to extract and inject blood into his body via a dozen syringes. Maybe itâs a futuristic STD purifier? That would make sense. Gypsyâs an expensive you-know-what, too expensive to risk getting a disease from you. Show some respect.
The Iron Maiden / STD Purifier (weâll call it IMSP for short) opens and Tommy has magically transformed into his father. It closes and when it opens heâs himself again, in his underwear and laughing. Typical male. They only smile at you when you take off their pants.
In round 3 of the IMSP peekaboo game, heâs bleeding and covered in poppies. There are steel balls on the ground and his mother is on the floor screaming. (No comment.)
The IMSP opens for the last time, and heâs no longer one of the living â heâs a skeleton. The only movement is coming from a long thick object dangling from his legs and almost reaching his feet.
Itâs a snake. Donât worry.
When all that heartache is over, Tommy falls to the ground, and thatâs how Frank finds him. Can someone call 911 already? Frank looks freaked out by Gypsy, and for good reason â at first, it looks like sheâs twerking, but when you look at her face sheâs having some sort of seizure.
Never in your wildest dreams did you think youâd find Ms Turner here in this movie, looking this insane.
Forget the police and 911. Call the exorcist.
So, hereâs our interpretation of what happened: he lost his virginity and it made him feel like a grown-ass man, and really began toenjoy it⊠but then they tried some nasty freaky things and it went horribly wrong. He was incapable of saying the safe word (or even knowing it to begin with), and he wondered how heâd explain his injuries to his mother. It ended with him feeling dead inside but like a sexual deity. Then he fainted.
Weâve been there. We get it.
âŠOr maybe he took some LSD. The âAcidâ in âAcid Queenâ would suggest that.
Forget we said anything.
(P.S. We packed this to the brim with references to Tina Turner songs. Sorry not sorry.)
IMDb Trivia: David Bowie was originally meant to play the role of Gypsy. Do. You. Realize. What. We. Missed. Out. On.
Do You Think Itâs Alright? / Cousin Kevin / Fiddling About
These segments were actually disturbing so weâll go through this really fast.
Tommy is now paler and more dead-eyed than ever. Frank and Nora decide to leave him with his shady Cousin Kevin. âDo you think itâs alright?â sings Nora, and Frank assures her.
Cousin Kevin, in short, has a bright future ahead of him if he ever wants to become a terrorist. He loves putting black bags over peopleâs heads, tying them to chairs, and waterboarding them.
Alternatively, he could join the [this part has been censored for political purposes. I love you, Big Brother.]
Unfazed, Frank and Nora choose another twisted babysitter to look after Tommy. This time, itâs the drunk and raggedy Uncle Ernie, who actually rapes him. You donât see anything, but this whole part is nightmarish and downright sick.
Just skip it. And in the future, donât trust anyone who cracks raw eggs directly into their coca-cola.
Extra, Extra, Extra
âDo you think itâs alrightâŠâ Nora starts to sing, and by this point, weâre sure you hate her guts too. But this time sheâs not about to leave him with a psychopath â sheâs watching him standing in front of the mirror. When his reflection walks away, so does he.
He follows his reflection â now an actual version of him dressed in a white suit â to a car park. He stumbles around and bumps into legions of washing machines until he sees a glowing white orb. Itâs the same one he saw in his arcade hallucination back when he was a kid. He follows it and it leads him to an abandoned pinball machine.
What follows is the most aggressive game of pinball youâve ever seen in your life. Eventually, people find him there, see the record-breaking score he managed to reach, and he becomes an overnight sensation. He and his family become millionaires. This is Tommy, the WHO cult movie classic tribute PART ONE
Carry on with TOMMY the WHO cult movie classic tribute – PART TWO – IF YOU’RE READY FOR THE 3 Bs: BLOOD, BEANS AND BALLS.
ALWAYS FREE, ALWAYS ON GYMTAR.